KEEPING UP WITH THE KARDASHIANS – 8/22/11

-MASON SIGHTING MASON SIGHTING! Holy sh*t that is a cute kid. Somebody in the comments a couple weeks ago said that Kourtney and Scott are doing their best to keep him off camera. That makes me respect Scott a little more, because that kid could probably make some good money. The fact he’s not trying to exploit him is pretty noble. Or maybe Kourtney is calling the shots and he disagrees. Whatev.

-Rob with the zinger, OFF TO BORING BORING!

-As to not confuse anybody on this vacation, Kris Jenner will either be going by “KJ” or “Mama Kris”. Funny, I thought they’d get around this problem by simply not acknowledging Kris Humphries’s presence except for strategic mean comments that he’d overhear. Or referring to him in some emasculating form of “Kim’s bitch”.

-This was my favorite part of the episode. Rob says something about somebody jumping off the boat, and Scott tells him he’ll give him $100 to do it. Rob tells him to “put your money where your mouth is”, and Scott says he’ll “shove the money in his mouth like he did the waiter in Vegas”. God that is so f*cking awesome. You’d think when he does something so degrading to somebody in front of is quasi in-laws he’d hope it never came up again, but he’s sitting here bragging about this sh*t. Scott is hilarious.

-Kris won’t shut up about the bikini situation, and Kim does the mandatory “WE’RE IN ‘CITY X’!!!!!” thing when she runs down the dock. Seriously, do they HAVE to do that? I’ve never, and will never do that. Maybe it’s a woman thing?

-Kris Humphries hasn’t seen this side of Kim before, one in which she complains. And that, my friends, is a flat out lie. You’re telling me you’ve never seen her complain? What was he really talking about here? She must act REALLY f*ckin’ different around him, because this is pretty much how she’s acted since the show has aired. Right?

-You know what sucks? Being pushed into the water with your clothes on. Here’s another personal story. When I was in 9th grade, a couple of my friends came over to my house after school. My friend Bryan thought it would be hilarious if he pushed me in with all my clothes still intact. I don’t think I’ve ever been more mad in my life. I popped out of the water and said “F*CKING GET OUT OF MY HOUSE!” I felt bad and called him a little bit later and apologized. But I would have my revenge. He always had a crush on my sister, and a few weeks later he was over for dinner with my family. Out of nowhere I said to my sister “hey did you know that Bryan has a crush on you?” The look on his face was priceless. We still talk about it to this day. I would advise everybody reading this to NEVER push somebody in a pool if still wearing clothes. They will get you back, and it will be a thousand times worse.

-Speaking of things being a thousand times worse, Kris throws Kim into the water and A $75,000 EARRING FALLS OUT OF HER EAR. Is that just for one? Does that mean that the set of $150,000 earrings are ruined since she only has one now? Ohhhhhhh man Kris has that panicked look on his face now. Remember when I said earlier if sh*t doesn’t go right you can either leave or feel uncomfortable for the next week? Yeah, better make your decision quick dude.

-Next week, Kris Humphries finds out Kim has been married, Bruce wants to renew their vows, and Kourtney gets pissed that Scott was drinking.

What did everybody else think? Thanks to everybody who leaves some feedback and emails me about the column, I really appreciate it and enjoy reading it.

Bill