November 4th, 2011 | 9 Comments | Posted in Kardashians Season 7

If you had 72 days in your Kim Kardashian/Kris Humphries divorce office pool, you are a loser. Well, you would’ve won the money, but you’re a loser for participating in such an event. In fact, we’re all losers. We’re sh*theads for enduring FOUR F*CKING HOURS of wedding coverage, countless episodes of “Keeping up with the Kardashians” and its numerous spinoffs. The E! television network and the Kardashian family have made MILLIONS by allowing us to see how this family “truly” lives and operates, when really we just witness the gross exploitation of the Kardashian “brand” for the good of the kompany’s bottom line. And this marriage and divorce is the absolute perfect example of that. Here are some of my thoughts on how everything played out.

-It really isn’t hyperbolic to say that this is the most expected demise of a marriage in recent history. Add one part fame whore whose mother literally controls every aspect of her professional life, another part of the male ego of a professional athlete who would most likely get sick of being called “Mr. Kardashian”, and a dash of corporate greed, and you get this sh*t. A fake courtship, a fake relationship, fake drama, televised wedding special, and a mockery of the institute of marriage.

-Part of this makes me believe Kris Humphries wasn’t in on the plan this whole time. If he truly did this just for the money, wouldn’t he milk this for every dime he could get? Do a few more seasons of reality television? You have to assume that he was forced to sign an airtight prenup, so it’s not like he’s taking half of her money. Or is she just that horrible of a person that it just wasn’t worth it for him? Look, I’m not naïve enough to believe he entered this for the right reasons (BACHELOR CATHPHRASE ALERT!), but the fact that he found out he was divorcing like the rest of us did (TMZ) doesn’t make much sense if this was all part of the script. Let me be clear—I am not absolving Kris of any blame here. Even if he didn’t know he was getting divorced less than three months after marrying Kim, he’s a f*cking idiot. You entered a relationship with Kim Kardashian. That sh*t is not going to end well. Now you’re stuck looking like a dipsh*t for all of America to see. You deserve EVERYTHING you are going through right now.

-Which brings us to Kim. First, you basically put an application out to New York athletes in hopes to find a famous boyfriend that could put you further put you in the spotlight. Who knows how many athletes turned you down before you settled for Kris. Reports say that Dario Gallinari wouldn’t touch you with a 39 ½ foot pole. I would venture to guess that no less than 10 other athletes turned down your “advances”. Hence the reason you ended up with NBA scrub Kris Humphries. Then you have the nerve to release a statement hours after officially filing for divorce that you are insulted that people are saying you only married Kris for exposure and riches. Are you f*cking kidding me?! YOU HAD A FOUR HOUR TELEVISED WEDDING SPECIAL. If you, in fact, married for love, WHY DIDN’T YOU DO IT OFF CAMERA?! Did you think that putting the motherf*cker on TV WOULDN’T make people pay attention to the process every step of the way? Are you crazy? Are you batsh*t f*cking crazy? Here’s a novel idea—if you, in your heart of hearts want to marry somebody because you love them and you’re not looking for attention, don’t put it on television. Don’t have the whole thing sponsored by LivingSocial. Don’t sell your wedding/shower/honeymoon pictures to tabloids. If you honestly wonder why everybody is saying this whole thing was a publicity stunt, you are even stupider than I thought.

-Kris Humphries isn’t even the worst “Kris” involved in this whole thing. That would be the puppeteer of everything, Kris Jenner. Look at what you have done. Have you made your empire millions of dollars? Yes you have. Have you made your family the face of everything that is wrong with America today? Yes you F*CKING have. Because of your work (which you are very good at, by the way. Nobody can take that from you), an entire generation of young people is RUINED. The Kardashian brand was launched because your now twice divorced daughter decided to record herself having sex with Brandy’s little brother Ray J. Now stupid little kids think that putting naked pictures and sh*t online will turn them into celebrities. Again, not many people on this planet could turn their daughter’s awful mistake into a multi-million dollar brand. But is all the money you made worth what your family has become? Maybe you guys do a lot of great things in the community, maybe you‘re the most philanthropic family around, but that’s not what anybody thinks about. I don’t think I’m alone in thinking you’re thought of as an opportunistic family that would pretty much do anything for the right amount of money. I mean can you prove to me how that last statement is false?
So there you have it. If you read my columns throughout the latest season of “Keeping up with the Kardashians”, my response to this divorce should hardly be surprising. The whole ordeal is just another example of how badly this family feels the need to be in the spotlight.

Written by:
Bill Hudnutt

9 thoughts on “KIM AND KRIS SPLIT! – 11/4/11

  1. Wow.pretty good. Too bad you didnt cover the wedding so this angst could be accompanied by some great humor. Great write up.

  2. Wow Bill. We’re you dumped by Kim too? You’re just so “angry” about it all. You aren’t just rolling your eyes like the rest of us. You are, in fact, watching a reality TV show and family at work. What’s really the shock here? That America invested too much time in Kimmy’s newest love affair, or that you got played dude?

  3. I agree with Shaggy – were you dumped by Kim also? You do seem very angry. Not sure why you watch and review this show if you hate it so much. And enough of your language – I really don’t need to read a vulgar word every other word. It doesn’t show your intelligence, it shows your ignorance.

  4. ha ha another comment about your language, yes it makes you come across as angry not funny

  5. okay, first of all to “Shaggy” wow..
    And second is to “seriouslyreally” the articles on this website are sarcastic. grow up, so what if he throws vulgar words out, your making the decision to read it. If its not worth your time then leave, no one really cares about what you have to say in your comments anyways, so why waste your time complaining.. Just leave.. nobody cares about what you have to say.. If this article is offensive to you, then dont read it. Its really a simple concept.

  6. You’re all ignorant. @seriouslyreally , try writing an article like this, cause even if you wrote one, no one would read it. So, that sucks for you.

  7. Hey! I know it’s not KUWTK, but I though you might do the Kourtney and Kim take New York, since it was a totally set up to ‘explain’ the demise of their marriage…I was looking forward to your recap!

    I think the only reason she married him was because his name Kris started with a K, cause it must be fate. That simple! Haha.

Leave a Reply