August 1st, 2011 | 4 Comments | Posted in Kardashians Season 7

Written by:
Bill Hudnutt

This week’s episode of KUWTK revolved around Kris’ “leaky vag” and the two youngest girls not being very appreciative of their life. How this show hasn’t won any kind of Emmy is beyond me. I’m sure their nominations are right around the corner. Let’s get into the details.

-We open up this week with Kylie and Kendall “roping” with their friends, or Double Dutch as it’s called in every other corner of the fu*king planet. It’s amazing that they live in a house that’s big enough to play Double Dutch in the foyer. Could that be one of the themes of the episode? MAYBE.

-Anyway, the writers of this week’s episode brilliantly intertwined the two storylines we’re going to delve in. Aw SH*T, did I say writers? I totally forgot this was REALITY TV! Anything can go with this KRAZY family! But I digress. Kris attempts to play, jumps approximately three inches off the ground, lands, and pisses her pants. Turns out this happens pretty regularly. As a matter of fact, Khloe says that Kris has a “history of peeing on herself”.

-We’re now at the family dinner, and the girls are being spoiled brats. Kendall/Kylie (who will from now on be known collectively as Kyndall, again can’t tell them apart) would rather be at the movies with their friends, and their meal produced by a private chef looks like dogsh*t to them. Kyndall was sitting on Kris’ lap, apparently forgetting what the fu*k just happened moments earlier with their mother peeing her pants. During this dinner Bruce realizes that they are pretty ungrateful little snots.

-Kris (male version) and Kim take a hike in Malibu, where he says something about looking at the “beautiful view with the most beautiful woman in the world”, or some cheesy sh*t like that. I’m guessing he stole that line straight from “The Bachelor”. The sole point of this scene was to show how serious they’re becoming. I wonder if they’re gonna get engaged or something?!

-While flying his toy helicopter with his son Burt (HOLY FU*KBALLS! BRUCE HAS A SON NAMED BURT? Did he name all his boys with names that start with the letter “B” the same way Kris did with the letter “K”? How have I never known of this guy’s existence? That sh*t blew my mind), Bruce gets a call from the kredit kard company saying that there have been charges on his kredit kard that he needs to approve. You guessed it, Kyndall took the kard and went shopping.

-Some of the family goes out to dinner, and Kris reveals that she had made a sex tape with Bruce in the 90s. Kris says it lasted 15 minutes, Bruce says “hours and hours”. Scott brilliantly chimes in with “WHO WANTS TO BE IN THERE THAT LONG ANYWAY?” If there was some metric that measured amount of time spent on screen and how much they entertain me, Scott’s numbers would be through the roof. Very efficient. He’s like the Peyton Manning of reality television. Contrastly, Kris would be Jake Delhomme.

-During the dinner, Kris is denied access to the restroom because Khloe won’t let her out of the booth. Khloe and Kourtney are trying to prove a point, and are teasing Kris endlessly. Not only are they teasing her, but they think making her piss her pants would be the most effective way to get her to the doctor. Turns out their fu*king crazy logic works.

-While the family is dining out for the 73rd time this episode, Bruce tells Kourtney and Kim how Kyndall are acting like spoiled little bi*ches. He recommends they go on a mission or have them visit and volunteer at a homeless shelter. Kim says her father made her do it, and thinks it’s a great idea for her younger sisters. Then she says that she wants to go with them, but can’t due to a Sears meeting in New York. This was also the first time I have been introduced to the term “leaky vag”, thanks to Kourtney.

-Kris goes to the doctor to get the “leaky vag” problem checked out, and it turns out things really loosen up down there when you have six children. I’m also pretty sure that I saw an MRI of her vagina during this scene, which really bothers me. And just when I thought I couldn’t feel any more uncomfortable, Kris and Kourtney start doing kegel exercises together in the car on the way home. That’s when I puked my fu*king guts out.

-Bruce does what Bruce does, and adds some perspective to this family. It really seems as though Kyndall’s eyes were opened after visiting the shelter, and hearing Miranda’s life story was really fu*king heartbreaking. I almost expected Kyndall to say something like “whoa, look, like how small your home is. You can’t even play ‘roping’ in here!” Needless to say, I’m very glad they learned a lesson during their visit. Then they showed some images of “Skid Row”, which I didn’t realize actually existed. They might as well call it “The Wire: LA Edition”. Scary stuff.

-I really have to hand it to Kris Jenner at the end of this episode. She took her problem of peeing her pants all of the time into another endorsement to add to the Kardashian portfolio. I’m not really sure how the pad company is planning on working “Rosie the Riveter” into their marketing campaign, but they did a fu*king good job of making Kris look like her.

Next week: SCOTT IN VEGAS SCOTT IN VEGAS SCOTT IN VEGAS AWWWWW YEEEEEEEAHHHHH. I hope he shoves another $100 bill down a waiter’s throat.


4 thoughts on “KEEPING UP WITH THE KARDASHIANS – 8/1/11

  1. Comedically speaking, you use a Kindle to read without books. Kyndall can’t read Kindle’s or books

  2. i do not know who any of these people are and since all of their names start with K i assume they are all the same person while reading this. in my mind there are 3 characters on the show, someone with a K name, scott and bruce. the K person seems like they are horrible and i hate it, them, her, or whatever.

  3. haha I don’t know all of Bruce’s kids’ names but we met Burt on the show and the other one I know is Brody, so it looks like that is a possibility!

    I feel like most episodes of KUWTK and the various spinoffs involve someone going to the doctor.. and if someone goes to the gynecologist, they always bring someone else too.. call me crazy, but I do NOT want to be in the room when my mom is getting checked down below…….

  4. “I’m not really sure how the pad company is planning on working “Rosie the Riveter” into their marketing campaign, but they did a fu*king good job of making Kris look like her.” — totally agree! just like her!

    and I lol’ed at this: “I hope he shoves another $100 bill down a waiter’s throat.” — Scott’s the greatest!

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