July 25th, 2011 | 11 Comments | Posted in Kardashians Season 7

Written by:
Bill Hudnutt

So I had to get up super early this morning to catch a flight, and I was all worried my alarm wasn’t going to go off. So I slept like sh*t, but had some really weird dreams. Honest to God, I had a dream that Kris Jenner was depressed, so she went on her computer and just looked at how much money she had. And it was increasing by the second. I fu*king hate her. What’s in store this week? Let’s get to it.

-I am writing this week’s column on the plane, and this is fu*king miserable. The piece of sh*t in front of me keeps jerking his seat back into my computer. How in the fu*k does he not realize what he’s doing? People travel like idiots.

-Anyway, we start off this week’s episode by going on a shopping trip with Khloe and Kim. Khloe points out that Kim has some nasty ass rash all over her legs, and Kim starts freaking out. Khloe tells her that it is ringworm. Kim thinks it came from wearing a sequin dress. I wasn’t aware that sequin dresses could make you break out like you had the measles.

-Bruce Jenner brightens my morning by wearing two earrings. After looking in the mirror and seeing how ridiculous good he looks, he goes to pick up Kendall’s prescription. (Tangent time! Who the fu*k goes to Rite Aid? Everyone knows that Walgreens is the best big box drug store around. Rite Aid is the Garbage Pail Kid of the big time pharmacy world). What kind of medicine is Kendall getting? BIRTH CONTROL! OH FU*K!

-He KONFRONTS Kris about Kendall’s BC, and he is justly pissed the fu*k off that his wife didn’t tell him his teenage daughter was on the pill. Now I don’t know what other benefits birth control has besides, you know, not getting knocked up, so I’m going to go ahead and believe Kris that it is to help with Kendall’s KRAMPS. Kramps or no kramps, Kris should’ve given Bruce the heads up before sending him to pick it up. BUT THEN WHERE WOULD THIS WEEK’S DRAMA COME FROM?!

-After this discussion, Bruce says he’s “hot and heavy” over being left in the dark. Very ironic choice of words there, Brucey. He has been tasked by Kris to have the sex talk with Kendall and Kylie.

-Kim goes to the doctor and he tells her that she has psoriasis. She reacts as though she was told she has KANCER. He goes onto tell her that stress and travel could be factors in getting rash. I really thought she was going to have a meltdown when the doctor told her it wasn’t curable. It’s a fu*king skin disease Kim, that sh*t’s gonna clear up. KALM DOWN.

-After he told her that she should maybe live a calmer, less hectic lifestyle Kim says “Uh, doctor, do you KNOW WHO THE FU*K I AM? I endorse 9,426 products, how the hell am I supposed to lead that kind of life! HELLO!”. Ok she didn’t say that out loud, but she TOTALLY said it with her eyes.

-Kim then goes to talk with Kris about this TERRIBLE, UNCURABLE disease, and Kris tells Kim that when she was 30, she too had psoriasis. However, she initially thought she was a leper. Seriously. Kris woke up one morning, had a rash, and immediately jumped to the conclusion that she had contracted leprosy. What a logical thought.

-Kris really isn’t making Kim feel any better about this ordeal. Basically says that she can’t be havin’ no rash! You totally have a commercial to shoot and how am I going to get my goddamn fu*king money if you are breaking out! UN-A-FU*KING-CCEPTABLE KIMBERLY!

-Bruce is in the garage playing with a toy helicopter or some sh*t when Khloe comes in to talk about Kendall and birth control. But before getting to the point, she again brings up Bruce and Kris’ sex life, and recommends that Bruce build Kris a custom, high powered vibrator. You can actually see the light bulb flash above his head. KHLOE TALKS ABOUT SEX ALL THE TIME! I WILL HAVE HER INVESTIGATE WHETHER OR NOT SEXYTIME IS HAPPENING WITH MY TEENAGE DAUGHTERS!

11 thoughts on “KEEPING UP WITH THE KARDASHIANS – 7/25/11

  1. Good recap. Although, I can’t read your columns regularly because you say the F word too many times and in the most awkward/unnecessary places. I get that swearing can make some things sound even funnier, but that is not the case here. Take some tips for RS…his swearing is placed to enhance the funniness!

  2. I agree, all the constant swearing and F-bombs are annoying. Don’t get me wrong, I’ve been accused of having a potty mouth on many occasions, but when used too often it just reminds me of a 12 yr old kid trying to look cool to his friends. Despite the swearing issue, your blog is funny and I agree with most of your thoughts.

  3. I get a good chuckle about how you use a “K” to start all C words. I must say though, I don’t agree that Kim acted like she had “Kancer” when diagnosed with psoriasis. In fact, I thought she was especially calm and was thinking to myself that I would freak out wayyy more if I found out I had it, especially if my job was to, basically, look pretty (because really, what else does she do?). Also, I read an article online a couple of days ago that people with psoriasis actually have a much higher percentage of suffering heart attacks, so it really is serious.

  4. I am new to this site… and I must say you are so funny!! I am sitting here laughing so hard. Personally, I don’t mind all the “F” bombs (although I do not speak that way in real life) I find it hysterical in your writing. Well I’m hooked, look forward to reading more.

  5. Okay, really? Do you have to use so many F-bombs?
    It’s actually not as funny when you use the F word CONSTANTLY.
    Maybe you should get a dictionary. Or, maybe Reality Steve can have a talk with you. Either way, he should kick your F*ing ass off of his website. Your columns ruin it.

  6. I agree, too many F bombs. I noticed them even more this time. It’s not any funnier with them. I really don’t think that any of us that have commented negativly about them are prudes. Steve inserts them here and there just at the right time. He doesn’t completly bedazzel them like you do. Maybe you don’t even read our comments…

  7. I read each comment that is written by the readers, and I really appreciate the feedback. I apologize if you don’t like the style, but I tend to write according to the mood I’m in and put it down the way it goes through my head. In my experience with writing online, I know that it is going to rub some people the wrong way.

    Again, thanks for the feedback.

  8. 1st time leaving a “komment” on here,….
    If he drops this many f-bombs in this episode, i cant wait to see when “kim and kris” get engaged episode airs!!!

    btw mr. Reality steve, I read your site every monday tuesday religiously!


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