KEEPING UP WITH THE KARDASHIANS FINALE – 9/5/11

Written by:
Bill Hudnutt
Email: william.d.hudnutt@gmail.com
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-When we last left Scott and Kourtney, she was unhappy with him because he has been drinking with her brother. In an attempt to make it up to her, he has breakfast come over in a boat, but she’s not budging in her anger. Words can’t describe how awkward this situation was. I would imagine all Scott wanted to do was to hurl himself off the dock and stay on the ocean floor forever.

-Time to pile on Rob! Aka my favorite part of any episode. Scott tells him he’s surprised he doesn’t have any teardrop tattoos “like his rapper friends”, and Kris Humphries tells the whole family that Rob is into hookers. Then everyone’s all like “psssssh how can he be into f*cking hookers when his ass is broke because he’s a loser and Kyndall makes more money than him you DIPSHIT!” This was Rob’s wake up call, and he’s like totally gonna get his sh*t together when he gets back to LA, you guys.

-Kim and Kris are critiquing Kourtney’s parenting style, and Kris H. let’s the room know that all this baby talk is making him sick. Is he showing that he maybe isn’t in this thing for the long haul? MAYBE! Also, who the f*ck thinks it’s a good idea to question parenting methods of his girlfriend’s sister. Everyone knows you do that shit behind their backs. DUH!

-Kyndall steals beer from Rob’s room, and I think they’re acting like they’re throwing up or something. I don’t know, it really doesn’t matter. Anyway, Bruce comes in their room and sees the bottles, and they decide the best way to maneuver out of this situation was to just to tell their father that their loser brother gave them the beer. They may have left the loser part out. They THREW HIM UNDER THE BUS, so to speak. You will realize that this becomes the Kardashian/Jenner phrase of the episode. When Bruce and Kris konfront Rob about the supplying Kyndall with the alcohol, he takes the blame and realizes that he has been THROWN UNDER THE BUS by his younger sisters. I can’t decide if this was noble or just incredibly f*cking dumb.

-Now, Kim and Kris H. are talking sh*t about Rob within earshot, which leads to a shouting match between Rob and Kim calling each other dicks, whores, and spoiled bitches. Rob leaves the situation, and Kris H. pretty much asks Kris Jenner’s permission to beat Rob’s ass. Great idea, bud. Ask your girlfriend’s mother if he can beat up her only son. What did you think was going to happen? She was going to grant you permission and then you’d fight him? You think that’s going to make the family like you? Dumbass. (NOTE: I know Rob said “BIBLE on Dad” somewhere in this scene, but I took crappy notes and can’t remember. Somebody leave it in the comments if you remember.)

-Rob is depressed about not doing anything with his life, and he’s sharing his thoughts with his mother, who can literally get her children to endorse any conceivable product on Earth. You can’t find anything for your son? Even Sammy Sweetheart and Deena from “Jersey Shore” are hocking sh*tty energy drinks, and the commercials have a production budget of about $700, but still, they getin’ paid. At dinner, everyone apologizes and everything works out great! Kim doesn’t really think Rob is a loser, she just says these hurtful things to intentionally make him feel like sh*t. What a great sister!

-Kyndall admits to their parents that they THREW ROB UNDER THE BUS, and Kris tries to get all dramatic in lecturing them about it. Bruce totally undermines and cuts her off and tells her just that. That was great. Bruce thinks Rob was being a gentleman in covering for his underage sisters possibly drinking. That rationale confuses me.

-Kourtney has some concerns about Kris H., and tells Kim that mayyyyyybe it’s a little too early to get involved in the drama between family members. She basically says “ZOMG Kim he like totally doesn’t get our family only we understand the unique dynamic and what we’ve all been through he couldn’t possibly understand what our lives our like so like tell him to BUTT OUT!” Kim agrees.

-A couple of prospective business partners who represent a vodka company fly out to Bora Bora to take a meeting with Scott. These guys look like supreme shadeballs, by the way. They have a couple celebratory drinks, and run into some of the family in town. Kris J. thinks it’s a terrible idea for Scott to get involved with anything alcohol related. Geez, calm it down woman! It’s not like he went on a drunken rampage in Vegas, fought with your son and shoved a f*ckin’ $100 bill down a waiter’s throat! Oh wait, he did? Yeah that probably isn’t the best idea, you’re right.

-In a scene that totally could’ve been left out but made the episode better, Scott and Rob are talking about their hair. Scott tells Rob that he has no idea what he has to deal with in the morning, and that he basically has a mane. Rob asks him if the sides are pretty short, and Scott says they “have some depth”. Who says that? Scott F*CKIN’ Disick says that, that’s who. Kris H. comes in to yell at Rob some more, calls him “son”, then leaves. Let it go, dude.

-How many times did the family sit at that table and have dinner? But I digress. Scott takes a business call at dinner, and Kris says “HOW DARE THAT SNAKEY PIECE OF SH*T TAKE A CALL ON MY LAVISH VACATION THAT I DIDN’T EVEN WANT TO GO ON IN THE FIRST PLACE? There is NO place for business unless I get a piece of the pie! Otherwise it is TACKY AS HELL!”