-Kourtney starts grilling Scott about his drinking again, and he’s had enough of this and decides to leave the situation, as per the advice of his anger management counselor. He takes the boat back to the main island which leaves the rest of the family stranded for FIFTEEN WHOLE F*CKING MINUTES! OH THE HUMANITY! This family shouldn’t have to wait for sh*t! Scott feels the same way, and Kourtney and Mason head off to bed, mad as hell.
-The next morning Scott eats by himself at breakfast in some really short shorts. I’m talking halfway up his thigh short. After breakfast, Kris H. defends Scott to Kourtney and she loved the fact he took Scott’s side. This is the same woman who moments earlier thought Kris had no place getting involved in Kardashian drama.
-The renewal of the vows was pretty uneventful, except for THE GIANT F*CKING RING Bruce puts on Kris’s finger. Then Kris asks if she can keep it, which pretty much cements the fact that the network paid for the ring. Why else would she say that? I think it’s pretty safe to say that whoever was in charge of editing this episode is probably out of a job today.
-Who wants to see Kris H. and Kim make out for a few minutes? What if I told you it would be on a huge sailboat? Still nobody? Well then you might want to fast forward. I wish I would have.
-You know all the drama that engrossed this entire vacation? Everything has been resolved. Yay! Khloe’s named is mentioned, and the rest of the family acted like they just found out she existed. Everyone thought this was comedy gold, and the joke went on for wayyyyy too long. Rob reasserts he’s going to get his career on track when he gets home, maybe in porn (which would be pretty fitting, since that’s how this empire got off the ground in the first place)! And Scott looked like a tomato.
-Kris Jenner gives the season finale monologue, and she loves her family even though they can be a pain in the ass sometimes. She then says she “forgot what it was like to be on a deserted island with her family”. First of all, it’s not “desert island”, it’s “deserted island”. Second of all, since when does a five star Hilton resort in Bora Bora qualify as a deserted island?
-Cliffhanger time! Bruce and Kris H. go golfing, and afterwards Kris tells Bruce that the real reason he asked him out golfing was not simply to spend time with him, but….(credits roll).
RANT ALERT! RANT ALERT! RANT ALERT!
F*CK. Are you kidding me?! What do you mean the season finale will air the following day? You’re telling me you had TWO F*CKING hour long destination episodes IN A ROW and the second wasn’t the finale?! I thought the proposal would be part of the wedding special in October! Now I have to write a double kolumn, but actually more than that since we’ll be covering one and a half episodes! F*ck it. Let’s keep going.
Great recap! I thought the exact same thing when Kim didn’t say yes until she saw the ring. And yes, Rob did say “Bible on Dad” a couple of times during the argument with Kim. The casting people of DWTS must be completely desperate to be putting him on the show. Maybe that’s what he was referring to by getting his sh*t together when they got back home.
So with you on Kim! I hope Kris H-Kardashian (you know she’ll make him take her name) and Kim get a spin off because it will be the only one to fail. What a snooze-fest those two are.
fantastic, bill ~ thank you! – and hope you will write about the wedding as well .. (as i can’t bear to watch any of them, with the sometimes-exception of bruce.. but will come by here to see if you write about it).
and .. SO hope your chloe is still doing well! .. iron stomach or not, chocolate is very dangerous for dogs.. xo
@kc Chloe is doing just fine, thanks for asking!
i hate these people. wow. but the episode had the hot twins getting drunk. maybe i will watch it. (by ‘hot twins’ i may or may not be talking about an 11 and 13 year old. i do not watch the show so i am not sure)
I’m going to miss reading the column every week!
your columns are my favourite ones on this site!
Write about the wedding! Write about the wedding!
That was a most edifying recap, Bill!
I agree with you the chewed food scene reset the standard for Disgusting Moments in Television, eclipsing the previous record set by Jill Zarin obliging her pet chihuahua dog to deep-clean her nasal cavity with its diminuitive prehensile tongue
I seriously doubt Kris H laid out those rose petals himself.
If you’ve ever tried to do anything like that with rose petals, it requires a little bit of skill and some special adhesive you’d need to get from the florist (or a TV production crew) to prevent the message becoming illegible from the air movement caused by your walking away from the finished piece.
I look forward to enjoying your wedding coverage, but urge you to hasten your pen, as it will lose some of the punch unless it is published prior to the separation announcement, which should be forthcoming any day now.