-We pick up where we left off on the golf course, and what do you know?! Kris asks Bruce for permission to marry Kim? I totally didn’t see that sh*t coming! Holy moly! Bruce is all excited that Kris asked him first, then they make the mistake of telling Kris J. I only say this because it’s her. I asked my fiancée’s family permission before I proposed as well, but they’re awesome people that I would never have to worry about spilling the beans. I would trust Bruce, but I would give it about a 75% chance Kris “accidentally” tells all the wrong people and the surprise would be ruined.
-In one of the most repulsive things to ever happen on this show, Kris H. takes a bite of a sandwich, chews it, and feeds it to Kim the way a mother bird would feed the baby birds. F*cking sick. I really wanted to throw up. Why do this? Maybe it was a callback to the season premiere when they burped in each other’s’ mouths. Which is also gross.
-Kris H. wants to involve one of Kim’s friends (whose name escapes me…Jonathon? Is it Jonathon? We’ll just call him that) Jonathon, so he has him pick the ring up since he had to leave New York in a hurry. He doesn’t have it, because the ring was so valuable it had to be shipped in a BRINKS truck and delivered to a place of business. Jonathon, being the genius that he is, is having it sent to DASH, the retail clothing store owned by Kim, Khloe, and Kourtney. Great move! To spare you the awful conversation, Kris J. wants this process to have Cinderella codenames, so the BRINKS truck is carriage, the ring is the mouse, and the whole thing will be called “Operation Pumpkin”. Yeah this is a total Cinderella story, idiot. Two f*cking millionaires getting married is NOTHING like Cinderella.
-The ring gets delivered to DASH, and Khloe signs for it. IT IS WORTH TWO MILLION DOLLARS. Kris makes $3.2 million/yr, and has been in the NBA for seven years, so I guess it’s conceivable he could afford that, but I seriously doubt it. It’s bullsh*t that these two filthy rich people get all of this paid for by E! Anyway, Kris J., who is always good thinking on her feet, pretty much tells Khloe that it is a gift from Lamar and it is a surprise. Brilliant!
-They need to get this ring inside of Kim’s house, WHY? Why the hell would Kris J. decide to keep it there? They can barely get the thing inside because of the paparazzi, then of all places to choose, he lands on her closet as the best hiding spot. This is a stupid idea on so many f*cking levels. I think it’s safe to assume that the majority of her time spent in her house is spent in the closet. Honestly, the oven probably would have been a better place, because you know her ass isn’t cooking.
-Kim wants to buy Avril Lavigne’s house in Bel Air, because her and Kris definitely need 12,000 square feet of living space. Once she realizes she can’t afford it by herself, she says that the house would be for THEM, and not just HER. Then while they’re in the car, she tells him that he has to get a nicer place in New York because she will NOT sacrifice her glamorous and luxurious lifestyle for a happy relationship. Seriously. She compared his apartment in New York to a college dorm. F*ck her. Seriously f*ck her. She is a terrible human being. Maybe this was all tongue in cheek humor, but I doubt it. Now Kris might be doubting marrying her. As he should.
Great recap! I thought the exact same thing when Kim didn’t say yes until she saw the ring. And yes, Rob did say “Bible on Dad” a couple of times during the argument with Kim. The casting people of DWTS must be completely desperate to be putting him on the show. Maybe that’s what he was referring to by getting his sh*t together when they got back home.
So with you on Kim! I hope Kris H-Kardashian (you know she’ll make him take her name) and Kim get a spin off because it will be the only one to fail. What a snooze-fest those two are.
fantastic, bill ~ thank you! – and hope you will write about the wedding as well .. (as i can’t bear to watch any of them, with the sometimes-exception of bruce.. but will come by here to see if you write about it).
and .. SO hope your chloe is still doing well! .. iron stomach or not, chocolate is very dangerous for dogs.. xo
@kc Chloe is doing just fine, thanks for asking!
i hate these people. wow. but the episode had the hot twins getting drunk. maybe i will watch it. (by ‘hot twins’ i may or may not be talking about an 11 and 13 year old. i do not watch the show so i am not sure)
I’m going to miss reading the column every week!
your columns are my favourite ones on this site!
Write about the wedding! Write about the wedding!
That was a most edifying recap, Bill!
I agree with you the chewed food scene reset the standard for Disgusting Moments in Television, eclipsing the previous record set by Jill Zarin obliging her pet chihuahua dog to deep-clean her nasal cavity with its diminuitive prehensile tongue
I seriously doubt Kris H laid out those rose petals himself.
If you’ve ever tried to do anything like that with rose petals, it requires a little bit of skill and some special adhesive you’d need to get from the florist (or a TV production crew) to prevent the message becoming illegible from the air movement caused by your walking away from the finished piece.
I look forward to enjoying your wedding coverage, but urge you to hasten your pen, as it will lose some of the punch unless it is published prior to the separation announcement, which should be forthcoming any day now.